I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
