True but thats because hes a fetus.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
