i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
