we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
