She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
