Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
