NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
