wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize