it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
