She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
