The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
