I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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