I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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