You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
