I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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