I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
