hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
