Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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