I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
