I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
