Fuck appropriateness.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
