The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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