hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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