sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
