I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
