Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
