Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
