the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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