i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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