Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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