I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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