Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
