I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
