P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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