He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
