Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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