If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
