The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
