Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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