I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
