Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
