Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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