ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
