Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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