i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found your dick twin last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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