remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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