I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
