Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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