haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize