we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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