just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
