like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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