I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
