I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize