Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
