I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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