I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
