Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize