We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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