i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
