I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
