Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
