I want to make a zoo with you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
