I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
