you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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