you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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