I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The air was thick with penises
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
