I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
