Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
