guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
