My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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