how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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