peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize