There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
