Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
