Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
