I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
