Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
