My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
