Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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