Kiss
Puke
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
