I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
