i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
