First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
