She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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