just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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