Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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