You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
