This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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