bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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