he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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