She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The power of my boobs compel you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
