How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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