I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize