I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
