Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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