He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
