this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
