then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
