i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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