You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
