im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
