Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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