you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
