Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
