My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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