just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
