Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
