he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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